Ringtone = Biggie's "Gimme The Loot"
I had to come off hiatus for this one. What the fuck is this shit?? I randomly stumbled upon the show while channel surfing. Good lord where do I start?
First off, any show that takes place in Miami is fake as fuck.
Secondly, the particular episode I was watching involved Antoine Walker’s ex-fiancee. Now if you know anything about Antoine Walker, you know he’s broke as fuck, owes crazy money to EVERYBODY, and plays in a PR Basketball League. So my question is, how does his ex-fiancee have ANY money? When did the fiancee get money?? Until you have my last name, I’m still signing all the checks and the accounts are all in my name. Either she’s a flat out thief, or Antoine is a moron and broke her off, both of which is probably the case.
Which leads me to my third point. Unless you been down with dude since he was 10 (like Matt Barnes wife, who’s on the show, and looks the least fucked in the head from the picture above), if you break up with an athlete, you get a severance package, but you don’t get HALF. I don’t know why in the fuck these women think they’re owed half, but y’all need to cut that bullshit OUT.
Let’s take Juanita Jordan for example. She got $180 million AS A SETTLEMENT. Yes, that’s the largest divorce settlement on record, but the important thing to keep in mind is, IT WAS A SETTLEMENT. SHE WANTED MORE!! SHE WANTED HALF!! AND FULL CUSTODY OF THE KIDS!! AND THE HOUSE!! And motherfuckers don’t get why O.J. decapitated the fuck out of Nicole??
Single sports athletes need to look at what Derek Jeter did. Jeter said to himself “If I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna be the best.” And that’s what he became, the best. He ran through the BADDEST chicks in the world, LITERALLY for 15 YEARS. 15 years of taxing PREMIUM ASS. And when I say PREMIUM, I mean PREMIUM 92 OCTANE:
Mariah Carey, Lara Dutta, Jordana Brewster, Adriana Lima, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Alba, Vida Guerra, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Gabrielle Union, Tyra Banks and finally his down ass Minka Kelly.
If they put those broads on a calendar, they could charge $100 for that shit, and I wouldn’t even be mad at it.
My point is this: if you’re an athlete, you have a whole different set of rules in the game. Us regular people start worrying about being alone when we hit the 30s. When you’re an athlete, you shouldn’t even THINK about marriage until you’ve torn your last ACL. So feel free to follow in Jeter’s footsteps, or Tiger’s if you’re standards are a little lower (and you’re not married). Conversely, if you’re reading this, you’re not an athlete, so don’t act like you are. Be happy someone wants to put up with your nonsense and still make you a hot breakfast in the morning. You look retarded as fuck if you’re trying to be like Derek Jeter in the club, and you’re Derek the loan officer. Live the lifestyle that matches YOUR life.
